i went to lita's party tonight and i guess it was ok. timmy is a good liar cuz he will have you believe that you are cool with him before talking shit about you behind your back. he is either nice to people and an ass when they are not around or is just straight up an ass. period. grr him. he was talking shit behind my back. nora told me. die die die die die!!...... i had no idea that was lita's brother either....... i R retarded. ryan left today. it sucks. i miss him. i hope that while he is away he thinks of me at least once. and "gee it's nice to get away from vicki!" does NOT count. he thinks that when he gets home he will find me and timothy getting it on in his bed. eww. eww. eww. eww. eww. did i mention eww? catherine wants to get high now. that kerazy biznatch. i don't think we'll be able to do it yet cuz we broke and jonathan won't sell us less than 20 bones worth so i guess our choices are A: go to tim or brandon B: get more people in on the deal so that we can afford it...... both are pretty inconvenient so i guess we'll have to see. i still continue looking for a church where i can feel close to God. i do not find that sort of peace where i am. hypocrites i tell you hypocrites. they ask for forgiveness every sunday for something they KNOW they are going to do again. i know we all mess up but still........ when i ask for forgiveness i know i'm at least going to TRY to do right. they won't even do that. they make assumptions about me before they know me. and i can tell that when someone else is talking about something actually church related they are not listening. tim walker was saying how much he respects me because i can admit my flaws and how i am real and i have actual feelings about the subjects i learn there. i love him to death because he has changed his evil ways. most very godly boys are like that. matt changed when he went to guatemala. jason and tim saw the errors in their ways..... and well...... charlie just got a LOT of medication. i wouldn't mind being that way. i get closer all the time. i feel really sorry for the people who are not christians because of the hypocrites. i mean....... the stupidity of the wannabe righteous deludes the message to the point where it is meaningless. i am sick of talking philosophically. even vickerus the goddess of YEAH has to sleep sometimes. goodnight.